Posted by: ramonamom | May 8, 2009

Russian Pact Vs. American Judge

A while back I wrote a post on the habits older adopted children bring with them into their new homes and families.  We saw a wonderful illustration of this concept yesterday and were even able to help our son understand himself better, thankfully. 

You know those phone calls that parents hate to get?  Well, our phone rang yesterday, with the caller ID showing that the person was calling from the county courthouse.  Ugh.  It was one of our sons, calling to tell us that he was at the courthouse for a court date (that we did NOT know he had) and the judge was telling him that one of his parents needed to be down there NOW.  I could tell by his voice that he knew he had been “exposed” and this was a phone call that hurt him deeply to make.  I was too upset to go (having already had a rough day), so I gave him his Dad’s phone number at work.  Our son had mumbled something about having been pulled over six months ago when he was taking a friend to his car.  The “friend” had beer with him, so our son was cited for being a minor with alcohol in his car (I know that is not the official term, but you get the drift).  My immediate thoughts quickly ran along the lines of, “What else is he not telling us,” and I struggled with disappointment and frustration.  This son has made tremendous strides over the last few months and I briefly found myself doubting if those improvements were “real” or not. 

Dad finally arrived at the courthouse and found the courtroom location.  Apparently, this judge had the wisdom to ask our son if his parents knew about his citation and the AUDACITY to require him to call us.  Kudos for the judge!!!  I am so pleased to know that there are judges out there today who believe that parents should be involved in the lives of their kids, even as they enter adulthood.  The judge did not call us to the courtroom so that we could pay the fine – he simply wanted to make sure we knew what was going on, which we greatly appreciated.  (Rest assured that our son will pay the fine!)

This is where Romans 8:28 came into play in our son’s life.  What a wonderful opportunity we were given to talk to him and assure him of our continuing love for him.  Once the initial shock wore off, we began to question him regarding this citation and discovered that it was one he had gotten about six months earlier, before the major changes we have seen in his life took place.  Dad took him to lunch and talked through the situation, with our son being so upset that he could hardly eat.  He seemed truly shocked that the only consequences he would get were the ones imposed by the court ($$$), but Dad felt strongly that having to call us and face the truth was an enormous consequence in and of itself. 

As I returned home from an appointment, our son approached me before I even had a chance to sit down, asking if he could talk to me.  I assured him that we would talk in a few minutes and called him when I was settled.  His discomfort was painful to see, but I assured him of my continuing love from the beginning of the conversation.  I asked him the same difficult questions Dad had, along the lines of, “Is there anything else you are keeping from us”, and he assured me there was nothing else he could think of that he was being dishonest about.  At this point, I began to discuss how habits come into play in our lives, and how the particular culture he grew up in until the age of 12 bred dishonesty in its youth.  He understood well what I was saying, and told me a story that explained yet another one of the many scars he has on his body (we seem to get these “stories” slowly, over the years).  When he was around ten years old, the boys in the orphanage he and his siblings were in made a pact.  The younger boys (of which he was one) promised to always lie for the older boys.  They would never “tattle” on them, always backing up the stories they told and taking their side against any authorities.  This pact was sealed with a cigarette lighter, causing what must have been a significant burn on our son’s arm, judging by the scar he carries with him ten years later. 

Such stories abound in the pasts of these older adopted children, although it may be years before they feel comfortable enough to share them with us, if ever.  We have been blessed to see our son embrace the love and forgiveness that comes from the blood of Jesus and he is thus open to correction in this area of his life now.  We are so thankful that God used an American judge to shed light on this situation.  Over the months, carrying the burden of this citation has caused him endless nights of lost sleep.  Through the Providence of God, he is now free to pay the consequencs of his actions ($348) and feel the forgiveness of his Lord and parents.

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