Posted by: ramonamom | May 9, 2008

A Mother’s Day Message to Adoptive Mothers

This Sunday is Mother’s Day and all around us we are hearing sweet things about mothers.  We hear how much they love their children and about all they do for them.  Everyone is encouraged to tell their mother how much they appreciate the job they did raising them and what a wonderful childhood they had.  I don’t want to get in the way of that at all, as it is very meaningful and, I have to admit, I kind of like the flowers, meals, cards, and chocolate, too. 

However, there is a whole different category of mothers who do not get mentioned this time of the year.  Those of us who have adopted children may have a fleeting thought about them from time to time and I know the children think about them even more often than that.  The mothers I am speaking of are the birth mothers of our older adopted children.  They are the ones who abandoned their newborn babies.  The ones who may not have had the means to provide for their child or may have been disowned by their family if they had kept a child out of wedlock.  They are also the ones who bore our children and raised them to a certain point, although not under good circumstances.  Perhaps they drowned their sorrows in alcohol or drugs and beat our children when they were drunk.  They may have allowed others to sexually abuse our children, and even encouraged it at times.  Horrible, heinous things were done by these mothers.  But yet, they bore our children – carried them in their womb for those long and tedious months.  They suffered from the morning sickness and the labor pains and maybe even a broken heart as they left their child for others to take care of. 

As mothers, but more importantly, as Christians, what should our attitudes be towards these mothers?  What does God’s word say about this?

“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,
Luk 6:28
bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.
Luk 6:29
To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either.
Luk 6:30
Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back.
Luk 6:31
And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.
Luk 6:32
“If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.
Luk 6:33
And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.
Luk 6:34
And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount.
Luk 6:35
But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.
Luk 6:36
Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.
Luk 6:37
“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;
Luk 6:38
give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”

 What good would it do us to hate these mothers?  Would that be pleasing to our Lord?  Certainly we can hate the sinful actions which they did against our children and we can work to alleviate the pain our children carry from their traumatic words and actions.  If we carry hate in our hearts for these mothers, will our children not see it and then not seek the grace to be able to forgive their birth mothers?  If we lack compassion towards those sinful women, what message is that carrying to our children? 

So, let me encourage you to say a word of thanks for your adopted child(ren)’s birth mother this weekend.  Thank God for the seed He planted in her womb and for the safe delivery of your child into this world.  Let your child(ren) know that you carry no hate in your heart for this woman who bore them.  Assure them that their birth mother was a sinful person, just like you are.  They made mistakes – perhaps horrible, monumental mistakes that your child(ren) carry with them every day of their lives.  But, God can give your child the grace to forgive their birth mother for those mistakes.  Be an example for them in this regard – have compassion for the “other mother” in their life and do not carry a burden of hate for them this Mother’s Day.  Heed the words of Jesus Christ – love these women, pray for them if they remain on this earth, do not judge them or condemn them – forgive them and encourage your child(ren) to do the same. 



  1. Amen! That is so true! A very good reminder!

  2. […] let us remember the mothers of these precious children as it is a very real possibility they never had a godly mother […]

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